I realized I was an addict. I was addicted to people. I was one of those people who didn’t know how to lay off the toxic stuff until it became unbearable and I became intolerant of myself and the things I couldn’t let go of. Yes, you can have a thing called, “people-itis.”
Here’s the thing I discovered in the past year and a half (two years, really), I learned that you need to really, really, really, let go of toxic people, situations, and things in your life in order to feel truly happy and confident with the person you are and aim to be. You can’t muffle through it or fake the funk. Or else, you will end up slamming the door in your own face if you do. The hardest part about letting go is being truthful with yourself and your 100% organic thoughts and feelings. It’s hard to bear. Some moments become hard to even remember to take a breath through because it feels so scary and isolating. But let me tell you, in the end, it is so worth it.
I had to let go of people I felt like were the world to me. But I realized I made them the world… when they never were. I knew I was giving them way more than they would ever think to return to me. It was not about tit-for-tat for me. It was about committing their time and energy to me as I would do for them. For whatever reason, needing validation from people who you really shouldn’t crave it from, comes with a huge price. You wanna know what that price is? It is your self-worth, your confidence, and your power. You give it all away when you seek validation from people who you feel is for whatever reason… better than you or more important than you.
If you have “like-me-itis” like I used to … you will never be happy. Whether it be in romantic relationships, friendships, and/or even with your own offspring… you will never be happy because you will constantly feel worn the f out from jumping over insurmountable hurdles that you have created for yourself. It’s vicious and unwarranted self-abuse.
So take a moment and do an inventory check, are you keeping something or someone around because “one day” something might change and you will decide to wear that pretty dress that’s been hanging in your closet with the price tag still attached? More than likely, you won’t. So give it out, throw it away, donate it… because it just may be a better fit on someone else. It’s hard but that is the truth and the road to freedom I’ve learned.
I realized I was happy when I could let go of these people… like really and truly let go… because I was not relinquishing my power over to them. I said “goodbye” and I wasn’t staring at my phone willing them to call and reach out. I wasn’t hurt by the lack of communication or contact. I didn’t feel less than because they were no longer in my life. I could wish them well and pray for their safety and happiness and move about with my life… what’s the difference, you ask? My ego no longer gave a shit. That’s when you know.
It’s also because I have accepted that I no longer needed them in my life because they were never meant to stay long. They were here to show me what I didn’t want in my life, so that I could have a greater appreciation and love for those people and things who wanted to be a part of it. I used to push away those people who were so willing to walk along side of me, because I was too busy chasing after shooting stars that left me feeling lost and lonely.
Now, I just look around me and feel so blessed because I am so loved and needed by the people who “dig me” for just the way I am at this moment and the person I aim to be. Letting go of the negativity and toxicities in my life has made me a better mother, friend, and person… I’m still working on the better “daughter”and “sister” part (gotta keep shizz real :)), but I’m happy. I’m still a work in progress and will always be.
There are still monumental ups and downs… but I no longer feel like I allow myself to sit in an abyss of darkness and isolation. Change your thoughts; change your world-Ghandi.
This picture was from Sunday night. My husband asked me out to the UCLA game. They lost. Unbelievable being they were up like 18 points at one point. They became complacent. The irony right? I think that’s like marriage and relationships. You give it your all at the beginning because you want the relationship to go some place, so you work hard. Then once you achieve a sense of security, that tenaciousness and vivacity kind of disappears. Am I right? So one person starts to revolt. That person being me. Haha.
But we are married. We have a child. We still love each other immensely. He is after all the love of my life… and I would like to presume, I am his. But, life gets in the way of our abilities to show one another the worth in them from our eyes. We forego the simple gestures of kindness with the thought, “oh he should know.” But maybe they don’t.
We hit a rough patch. And it wasn’t easy to overcome. But these are some of the small steps we were forgetting about to help always keep the fire going.
- we ask each other on dates
- we pray
- we go to church
- and we keep the focus on us
- we express our thoughts and feelings more freely without fear of judgment
- we don’t compare ourselves to that of others
I had to practice the last one. Why? Because I am innately a competitive person. I want to do great things. Not for outside accolades but because internally I feel good. And with this, I had to clean house again. There were people in my life that weren’t bringing out the best in me. They wanted all of me, but would only give me a piece of them. It was about their convenience. Their life. Their time. I’m okay with that to a certain degree, but after awhile, you just realize that that friendship isn’t as fulfilling as you had hoped it would be.
I had a few friends whom I loved dearly. But I don’t think I have enough room in my heart for them anymore. I didn’t like the way I felt around them and it was eating away at the core of me. I think it was because all along I knew these people would walk away once they got what they needed from me. Which I believe was a tiny bit of comfort during a time of loneliness. And I don’t blame them, because I can so relate to those feelings. But I need continuity. And a sense of belonging to one another for one another. Does that make sense? My husband is like, “you can still be friends with them.” But for me, I’m not like that. Either you are my friend or you aren’t. And for the most part, they weren’t really my friends to begin with. Why I put so much energy into building friendships with people stems from my own need to feel that close knit tie… the sense of family and comradery. But now, I don’t really feel inclined to need it so much. I have my own little unit… and a great sister, mom, and dad. And more and more, I feel the few great friends that I have are just icing on the cake.
Anyways, it was a nice night. It was cute because he kept commenting on how he liked my look. I felt bashful. And my sarcastic ass wanted to say something snide, because that’s how I accept compliments. But this night, I just absorbed it. I could tell he wasn’t just shooting hot air up my butt, because he mentioned a few times how he liked my “hoop” earrings. Ahahahahahaha. He’s so random.