That picture is some of the random things I do with O that maybe aren’t the smartest things… but still memorable nonetheless. Don’t get your panties all bunched up. We were in our gated community in a cul-de-sac and driving like 5 mph. But if were a picture of my husband and her doing this… I would’ve said, “OMG, you are setting such a bad example to her.” Ahahahahahahaha. Hypocrite. I know.
But YOLO right? Life is too short to take things so seriously and have everything equate to a catastrophic event. I’m in my late 30s now and all I want to do is live. Live each day feeling like I did something fulfilling. Inching towards putting more and more check marks on my extensive bucket list of things to still do, see, accomplish, and experience.
I think at this age, Erik Erickson says we are in the Generativity vs. Stagnation part of our lives. “Generativity vs. stagnation is the second stage of adulthood and happens between the ages of 25-64. During this time people are normally settled in their life and know what is important to them. A person is either making progress in their career or treading lightly in their career and unsure if this is what they want to do for the rest of their working lives. Also during this time, a person is enjoying raising their children and participating in activities, that gives them a sense of purpose. If a person is not comfortable with the way their life is progressing, they’re usually regretful about the decisions and feel a sense of uselessness.”
I am soooooooo in this stage. My nursing and those into psychology and sociology should be very familiar with this. But yes, I’m at a stage where I am definitely less fearful of doing new things, especially on my own, in order to fulfill voids in me that weren’t being attended to. It’s been great. I’m starting to let go of all the things I was holding on to just in case… just in case I get pregnant, just in case I move, just in case …just in case. But you can’t live like that.
I have a friend who started taking acting classes recently and I truly think it is so awesome. He is fulfilling his dreams. That was once a dream of mine as well… yep, I wanted to become a famous actress or some sort of television personality. I have always hidden that want in fear of ridicule and judgment but now… I don’t care. Hahahaha.
Setting up healthy boundaries has been instrumental for me. I never wanted to say no to people because I feared they would feel hurt and rejected by me. Because I know those feelings are so isolating, profound, and intoxicatingly painful. But now, I can say no and tell myself “it’s ok.” It’s strange because a huge change has occurred and shifted my thinking. And this gives me a sense of freedom which in turn gives me a feeling of peace. That I’m not in a battle with the world anymore. And that the world is no longer out to get me.
I see the changes in my relationship with O even. I’m less impatient, far less hostile, and definitely way way way more loving. It has been a prayer answered from the Almighty. And what I feel more thankful than anything for this year, is that I feel like my parents are starting to open themselves up more to the Christian faith and I think it’s thanks to O.
Have a great day everyone. It’s getting more and more challenging to post things daily, because I’m back getting my Master’s. So with papers, reading requirements and assignments, oh and a little thing called life with a small child… I don’t have that much free time anymore. So, I’m going to have to see a ton of more support and encouragement from you guys and your friends to feel the love to continue writing 😛 !!!