The season is coming to an end. I don’t know if I’m happy to see 2012 come to an end. As hard as this year proved to be, I feel like I learned so much more about myself and have learned to allow myself to have boundaries. As a person, I feel I have definitely inched closer to becoming more whole. Mending the broken pieces within my mind and soul, that were once hidden and locked away deep inside, has been healing. You come to realize, at the end of the day… none of it really mattered. All that matters is how I deal with the now.
I understand the importance of walking through difficult times with humor and dignity rather than with anger and hostility, because in the end, I’m the only one who is angry.
I am vulnerable. Sensitive. And it’s okay. I can, finally at age 37, allow myself to feel these feelings. I can admit that I need help… and most of all, that I need my husband. I used to think being needy equated with being weak. My mindset has changed a bit. I’m still a strong person, but only when I need to be.
I also am thoroughly embracing the fact that my boundaries with people are more clear cut. I understand and accept that not everyone is a friend…and that is okay.
Watching O grow these past few months has been truly rewarding. Parenting, even with all the stress and fatigue, is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. Her dad and I feel so truly blessed. We thank each other daily for helping create this little raggamuffin.
And what I appreciated most has been knowing the value of my friendships. I love having my meetings with my BFF and other girlfriends… and even if for just a moment together… I love the feeling of leaving with the stress of the world off my shoulders because they took off some of the load. I am so blessed.
I hope everyone had a safe, happy, and healthy holiday season. I pray that you find even more joy, love, health, and happiness in the new year.
That’s my textbook… what more is there to say. I’m burntout already and I just started my fourth week of classes. Online classes are lonely. I feel like I’m going through this torment all by myself. 😦 I did have a brief group meeting on Wednesday morning, but isn’t weird how everyone else seems like they have a grasp on things and just get it? I feel so lost. I am just looking forward to the finish line… but daily I tell myself… “I just want to quit.” But I won’t. Ugh… 18 more months. I could’ve been pregnant twice over during that same time. Haha.
This picture is what I’d really rather be doing. Being merry. Hanging with the homies. And having a nice cocktail. I want to frolick in the cold… well, in the heat really these days… but still.
To top things off, my freaking fridge is in the ICU on major life support. Well, no, I pulled the plug on her and she is waiting to be buried. So, I have no cold foods, no milk for my kid, and lots of wasted food. But on a lighter note… no cooking for a few days. And thankfully, her ass died during CYBER MONDAY.
I finally was able to donate some clothes, baby stuff, and books to Baby2Baby.org. It felt great. I have a boat load of baby equipment in storage as well that need to be donated. I can’t believe I’m actually giving the baby stuff away, because I’ve held on for so long with the thought of having another kid. But I’m sure that ship has sailed. And in an event a miracle blesses my womb… I will just have to suck it up and buy some more stuff again.