My Journey Through Postpartum and Life After I Kicked It's A$$!!!

Tag Archives: holidays

Enjoying the little things in life

Fun with Friends…

The season is coming to an end.  I don’t know if I’m happy to see 2012 come to an end.  As hard as this year proved to be, I feel like I learned so much more about myself and have learned to allow myself to have boundaries.  As a person, I feel I have definitely inched closer to becoming more whole.  Mending the broken pieces within my mind and soul, that were once hidden and locked away deep inside, has been healing.  You come to realize, at the end of the day… none of it really mattered.  All that matters is how I deal with the now.

I understand the importance of walking through difficult times with humor and dignity rather than with anger and hostility, because in the end, I’m the only one who is angry.

I am vulnerable.  Sensitive. And it’s okay.  I can, finally at age 37, allow myself to feel these feelings.  I can admit that I need help… and most of all, that I need my husband.  I used to think being needy equated with being weak.  My mindset has changed a bit.  I’m still a strong person, but only when I need to be.

I also am thoroughly embracing the fact that my boundaries with people are more clear cut.  I understand and accept that not everyone is a friend…and that is okay.

Watching O grow these past few months has been truly rewarding.  Parenting, even with all the stress and fatigue, is the best thing that has ever happened in my life.  Her dad and I feel so truly blessed.  We thank each other daily for helping create this little raggamuffin.

And what I appreciated most has been knowing the value of my friendships.  I love having my meetings with my BFF and other girlfriends… and even if for just a moment together… I love the feeling of leaving with the stress of the world off my shoulders because they took off some of the load.  I am so blessed.

I hope everyone had a safe, happy, and healthy holiday season.  I pray that you find even more joy, love, health, and happiness in the new year.

 

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So Over It...

I’m burnout… especially because I’d rather be out looking a Christmas decorations with my kid and husb.

That’s my textbook… what more is there to say.  I’m burntout already and I just started my fourth week of classes.  Online classes are lonely.  I feel like I’m going through this torment all by myself. 😦  I did have a brief group meeting on Wednesday morning, but isn’t weird how everyone else seems like they have a grasp on things and just get it?  I feel so lost.  I am just looking forward to the finish line… but daily I tell myself… “I just want to quit.”  But I won’t.  Ugh… 18 more months.  I could’ve been pregnant twice over during that same time.  Haha.

Relishing the Moments

I’d rather be living inside this Gingerbread house at the present moment…

This picture is what I’d really rather be doing.  Being merry.  Hanging with the homies.  And having a nice cocktail.  I want to frolick in the cold… well, in the heat really these days… but still.

To top things off, my freaking fridge is in the ICU on major life support.  Well, no, I pulled the plug on her and she is waiting to be buried.  So, I have no cold foods, no milk for my kid, and lots of wasted food.  But on a lighter note… no cooking for a few days.  And thankfully, her ass died during CYBER MONDAY.

I finally was able to donate some clothes, baby stuff, and books to Baby2Baby.org.  It felt great.  I have a boat load of baby equipment in storage as well that need to be donated.  I can’t believe I’m actually giving the baby stuff away, because I’ve held on for so long with the thought of having another kid.  But I’m sure that ship has sailed.  And in an event a miracle blesses my womb… I will just have to suck it up and buy some more stuff again.


I have been sick for over a week. This has not been fun.  I think I made myself sicker by freezing my ass off at Legoland. But like I said before, it was so worth it.  This week has been full of cancellations.  Lunches, sessions, Dr appointments, etc.  I hate canceling.  It makes me feel like a flake.  But really, I can’t stop my nose from dripping (or bleeding) or coughing like a barking seal.

I learned a bit about myself this weekend. That I’m still such a kid at heart.  I am a chicken when it comes to anything scary.  I have a wild imagination so I don’t need to add to it by watching scary movies or going on crazy rollercoasters.  But this weekend, I went out of my shell as I have been allowing and making myself do… and venturing to do new things with my husband and daughter.  I don’t want to be the “no I don’t do that mom.”  When I went on some of the rides with O, I saw pure exhilaration on her face like, “dude, my mom rocks.”  I can’t say I was a fan of my insides flipping upside down… but I sure was a fan of her squealing, smiley face.  That little girl is so brave.  She surprises me.  For sure… for sure… for sure… I thought she would be screaming (in anger) and crying telling us to get her off… but nope… she wanted to ride the rollercoaster over and over again.

Going to Legoland was cool too.  Why? Because now we have a little edge against O on the “BATTLE OF THE EATING.”  She couldn’t ride most of the rides on our trip to Legoland prior, but this time she was above the 36in mark so was able to ride some of the more exciting rides.  We had to walk out of the ride that she needed to be 40in.  So that gave us the edge.  Ahahahahaha.  We said, “see O, you gotta eat your food and veggies so you can get taller to ride these even more crazy rides.” Yahoooooo!!!!

I’m growing.  Every day.  I love watching her craziness.  Oh yeah… yesterday I got my first, “I JUST HATE YOU.” It was surreal.  Comical. But I had to lay down the law and put her on her “thinking chair.”  She hates the thinking chair.  So I asked, why I deserved that comment.  She said, because I turned off the TV without her permission.  Oops.

But later at night when it was just the two of us in bed, she stroked my face, hugged me, and gave me a kiss on the forehead and said, “Momma, I will never ever say hate again.  I love you.  Sweet dreams.” Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Emotional rollercoaster.  I love that girl.

 



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Future leaders of the world! - Celeste

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