My Journey Through Postpartum and Life After I Kicked It's A$$!!!

Tag Archives: cancer

People want to see people suffer to help them feel better about being stuck in the same misery as them… not cool. Not cool at all

So the Part Deux comes from the fact that I was able to contain my composure after being told my paper topic, which was approved by the professor, was not actually part of the assignment.  WTF!!! Right?  Normally, I would have been irate.  I was weeks into my research and four pages into my writing.  That doesn’t sound like much but when you are writing about NURSING THEORIES… it seems like a crap load. But I owned my mistake and realized I had not read the directions carefully and was so grateful that the instructor herself was kind enough to acknowledge her role in the confusion as well.  My assignment got more complicated but still I was able to use some of my writings.  Whew.  Look who’s growing up?  ME!

We got a new fridge and she’s a beauty.  Clean lines.  Shiny.  Silver.  Fresh.  Unbroken.  It was funny because I posted a picture on Instagram and all my lady friends were so excited.  I had to check again to make sure I hadn’t accidentally posted a picture of my dashing Husband.  We, women, find the strangest things cool.  I love that about my peeps.  My sister was the most excited.  It was as if I birthed a new child. She wanted to know measurements, fit, my feelings, and pictures.  ahahahahahahahaha.  Crazy lady.

I love this weather.  It’s so gloomy, rainy, and comfy feeling.  Even if I were out in the rain, it feels refreshing.  It makes me feel awake and alive.

I’m running again on Sunday morning.  It’s for the Just Say No To Drugs.  I’m definitely not ready. I was sick for three weeks, so I wasn’t able to train.  I really wanted to see if I could improve my time. It’s about me challenging myself.  I don’t want to quit because it’s too hard, too tiring, or too painful.  I know my mind is stronger now and I really want to see the connection between my mind & body.  Thankfully, I have my inhaler this time.

I’m hoping one day soon, my sister also starts learning that her body needs to start connecting with what her mind is telling her.  That she is not pardoned from illness which should be blatantly obvious because she is a cancer survivor and still fighting the battle against that bitch.  (Yes, I said BITCH)!!!  I remind her of all the times she’s said “When.  When I get out of the hospital.  When I start to heal.  When I lose weight.  When I have more time.”  All those things have happened and yet that Change vs. Growth doesn’t seem to manifest. (Yep Hyung… I’m writing this directly to you).  Your when is now.  Look around because everyone’s life is moving forward.  Maybe it’s time yours started to too. You’re smart.  Kind.  And beautiful.  Embrace it.

Hahahahahaha… are you going to kill me because I blasted you on the internet? You look beautiful here.

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"Wedding Dress"

O walking in the sand at the park in her “wedding dress”

I love this picture of O from behind.  We went on an impromptu walk to Rite Aid and then on the way back we went to the park.  What was supposed to be a quick trip turned into a 4.5 hour excursion.  And it was pure bliss.  Even with the scorching hot sun.  I loved it.

Prior to our departure, I asked O what she would like to wear for our walk.  I was thinking shorts and a T-shirt.  But nope.  Girlfriend said (and yes, she’s been copying me using the word “hey girlfriend… dude girlfriend.”  Really, I need to stop talking to her so much… ahahahahahahaha)… “Momma, I need to wear my beautiful, wedding dress for our walk.”

I said, “Boo, we are just going on a quick walk.”

O:  But momma, I NEEEEEEEED to wear my wedding dress.

How do you say no?  You don’t.  Actually, I try not to get too involved in her outfit coordination because it’s a freedom she should own.  So even with the crazy hair pins and what not… I try to let it go.

Exhibit #1:  See this…done exactly as the boss ordered!!!

Freedom of Expression

I allow her to have “Freedom of Expression.”

Her dad, on the other hand, says… “don’t you think she’ll stick out too much?  Draw too much attention and take away from the class?”  Ahahahahahahaha.  I’m sure she does to a certain degree, but I don’t care.  It’s her freedom to express herself.

Wedding day in the Park

I love watching her play and interact with others… she’s a born loner and I love that she can role play by herself.

Anyways, I loved this day.  It reminded me of what childhood is all about.  To explore.  To learn.  To live without fear of scrutiny and judgment.  I loved that she didn’t care if her pretty dress got dirty.  I loved that she let go of her OCD tendencies to not like getting dirty and took her shoes off and ran into the sand.  I loved that she looked exhilarated while throwing sand into the air.  It was a moment of pure joy. And a reminder of innocence and love.  I hope and pray I never forget this feeling.

This kid… she gives me so many gifts daily.  Yes, headaches too.  But I am so immensely thankful she walked into my life.

Side note:  ****And a quick shout out to my sister for stepping up as a Cancer Survivor Mentor!!! Yay.  My sis feels embarrassed when I say she’s a survivor.  But she is.  That’s fact.  She down plays her cancer bout because she thinks she had the easy one.  No one has an easy battle with cancer.  Cancer (that bitch… ) is cancer.  I’m so proud of her for becoming a mentor for a young 36 year old woman who is going through her own battle against this A-hole disease.  It has spread from her thyroid to her lungs and hips due to improper diagnosis… please keep her in your prayers


Best Friends

Julie and I at the start of the LA CANCER CHALLENGE 5K Run

I strive to do charitable work throughout my life.  I feel like it’s important to give back to the community and to others.  Cancer is an immensely important cause for me and finding a cure is of the utmost importance, especially after watching Karen suffer so much from the disease and lose her life to it.  But the best part of running for a cause is also to be able to get my family and friends involved as well.  My best friend has supported me for the past four years and has run with me at least once a year.  My sister, very reluctantly, joined in this year and I think she actually had a good time.  I won’t disclose her time though.  Ahahahahaha.

I didn’t train at all so I suffered.  I thought, “hey, I’ve been doing some cardio at home on my elliptical and did a whole 10 minute run on the treadmill at the gym.”  Oh man.  I know all too well that pavement running and treadmill running are two entirely different beasts.  But the cocky in me didn’t care.  Ahahahahaha.  My time wasn’t the best, but I did it.  And that is all that matters.  I made a small difference in the fight against cancer.

My husband even came out to support me.  This was a nice change because he never came out before to witness and be a part of such great energy.  He used to say it was too early.  I have to say it meant a lot.  And at the times, I wanted to walk… I thought, “no way… I’m not going to have him see me come in dead last.”  Ahahahahahaha.  There were grandma’s and grandpa’s passing me by.  But I really wanted to embrace the run.  I thought of Karen a lot during my solo run.  And I reminded myself, “I’m not in competition with anyone but myself.”

Mommy and Daughter Moments

A Precious Mommy & Daughter moment I will never forget.

The best part was getting O involved.  I had waited three years for this day.  I wanted her to have a love of running and being active.  I also wanted her to realize that mommy runs to support people who are sick and to help people who are less fortunate than we are.  It’s important for me to instill in her the love of philanthropy and having her feel empowered to make a change in this world.  I didn’t feel I had that growing up.  I didn’t think I could make a difference or that I did make a difference.  Early on, I want O to know that she makes a difference in the lives of others daily.

O wasn’t in the best of moods going to the run.  She was cranky, whining, and just not pleasant.  But once I was done with my race, it was time for hers.  She refused.  But with some encouragement, we set off holding hands.  It was a super short run for the kids (1K)… but she had so much fun, she wanted to join the bigger kids again.  And even when that was over, she wanted to run again.  Ahahahahahaha.  So on the final run, she and her daddy ran, because I was about to keel over from the heat (90 degrees… in OCTOBER!!!) and the dust.  Ugh, the dust is still coming out of my nostrils as I write this.  But it was all so worth it.  Even the asthma attack!!!

My next run is on 12/2 for Just Say No To Drugs.  It’s actually to have my husband participate, get out of his sedentary lifestyle, and also start doing things that are important to O and me.  And yes, I’m forcing my sister to do it too.  Haha.  I’m seeing my Pulmonologist this week… so hopefully, I will be better prepared next month!!!



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Future leaders of the world! - Celeste

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