This is me. Postbaby 7 weeks. I haven’t blogged in quite some time, but I had this indelible urge to write again lately. I know in a short month, I will have to prepare to take on the end of my Master’s program, so I’m voraciously doing some leisure reading and beginning to chronicle my journey as a mom of two.
My daughter loves her brother. Yet, she has shown signs of normal regression. Wanting to try all of the babies things. Needing extra attention. Oh gosh, the baby talk… cute until it gets annoying. Hahhahaha. Yes, I keep it real.
At the beginning when I got home with the baby from the hospital, nothing about my daughter’s behavior annoyed me. But set in sleep deprivation, the constant “mommy, mommy, mommy!!! Can I tell you something?” Me: “can you tell me without saying, ‘can I tell you something?'” haha, the annoying sound of the pump machine at night, homework, life, taking care of a newborn… oh, did I mention SLEEP DEPRIVATION??? then my patience becomes nonexistent. But I am praying and hoping (although I heard from my friend that “hope is not a strategy) that I find that place of reassuring guidance, love, and patience that my daughter needs right now. I hope I have the fortitude to learn to balance my needs FIRST without feeling GUILT.
This is when I began experiencing empathy for the first child. I’m the second and the last in my family. I wish parenting came with instructions or at least pictures to show you which is the right way up or down. 🙂 I say this, because recently, my husband and I have been having warfare with our daughter during homework time. Mind you, my husband is a great instructor who is energetic and fun, but even he gets worn down when my daughter for the 100th time says “N is a U.” Yes, they look similar, but that’s no excuse to get it wrong more than 20x in my opinion. Yes, I can be a bit tough but I have been way too liberal in my child-rearing of her till this point (great she just came in here and found her bike we were supposed to give her on her birthday!!!). I always allowed for her to just putz around and do things at her own will. Well now, we are interviewing and testing for private schools, so now the tides are changing. Something in me got triggered. I realized I can’t be lazy to raise a successful child.
Right now, I’m trying to analyze what kind of learner my daughter is. In the process, I have screamed my head off because my expectations are so high. I keep telling myself in a Finding Nemo like trance, “she’s never seen this… she’s never seen this.” But I can’t use that forever. SHE HAS SEEN THE ALPHABETS for at least two years now!!! Hahaha.
But at the end of the day, I come to conclude that none of this has anything to do with my daughter. It has to do with me. My demons. I have to disconnect from my past and embrace the woman I am today. I’m no longer the kid that was average in school because no one encouraged anything in me other than to be pretty. More than anything, I wanted to be viewed as “smart” like my sister. Actually, I knew I was probably smarter than my sister (I think my parents knew it too… sorry hyung)… but I never tried, because things came easily for me to just pass. I suppose this is my biggest regret. I never lived up to my full potential or got to discover what I was good at or even excellent at. I was a quitter. I never looked to the end of the road to discover that hard work and effort pays hundreds folds more than quitting. That discovery only comes with age and wisdom.
I’m fortunate though. I’m not my immigrant parents who couldn’t spend the time with their kids even if they wanted to because they were working hard in a foreign land to provide for their children. I have the ability to provide the opportunities for my children that my parents did not possess. What my kids do with these opportunities are my responsibility until it becomes time for them to bear the burden of the cross on their shoulders and learn to use what weapons and lessons I’ve given them into their lives on their own accord.
I will write about what I learned about myself during homework time in my next blog. Thanks for reading. Happy New Year.
Look at this picture!!! What a sight!!! Ahahahahaha. I know, I’m such a loser. But I can’t help it. Who can deny a cute Snowman, right? My husb sent this to me. He said it reminded him of me. Sweet, unusual gesture from him… hehe. It could possibly be reminding him how crazy I am. 🙂
I love it. It’s official. The holidays are upon us. Yahoo. I know some people do not look forward to the holidays… bad memories maybe? I don’t know. But change that. Make it yours. Don’t let the past weigh you down. Build fun memories for yourself. That’s what I am trying to do for myself. Who knows… maybe because I drown family and myself in it… O will not enjoy it later on… but that’s something for her to decide. But while I’m still in charge… I want my memories with her to be festive, fun, and bright.
Last night, we went “Trick-or-Treating.” (Yep, I write these way in advance!!!). It was fun. Hard to coordinate with 6.5 kids and 10 adults, but it was fun. Hancock Park area goes all out. I wish the streets were blocked off for better safety, but nonetheless, it was fun. No hills makes it even better. Unfortunately, we couldn’t get a nice group photo of everyone, but trust and believe… all the kids looked amazeballs.
My gf daughter had thee best costume on. It was Snow White… and she was dressed perfectly to the tee. Snow White wig and everything. Perfection. I loved it. My other gf, Jenn, made her kids Batman and Robbin costumes. They looked store bought. I swear, some of these moms are crazy crafty. Me… I will let the manufacturers do the work. Haha.
My daughter made a last minute decision to change her costume from Princess Jasmine to being a Pink Power Ranger Samurai (but I stood my ground and said no… because I knew there was no way to find a costume in a day!!! Good job, mom!! Patting myself on the back) to being Strawberry Shortcake. This was the initial costume fitting. Hilarious. She was good about wearing the wig for about a minute. Then started complaining about it being itchy. Thankfully, she wore it during her school parade.
These were the costumes from the morning:
The girls had a costume parade (a walk around the block), then fun crafts and games afterwards. It was fun. Nice and cold too. I helped at the “Decorate a Pumpkin Scone” table. I ate a few… I will admit it. Charmed Scones, you are too yummy. Love Momma Val. She makes the best scones ever.
O’s counterpart C… couldn’t stand to wear the same costume twice (ahahahahaha… jk)… so she changed from a Doctor and became the most perfect little Snow White ever. I wanted O to wear her Princess Jasmine costume so the girls could have a theme… but my stubborn little O said “no.”
That’s C. Isn’t she a doll? I swear, her costume just made my night. The best part… I asked her mom, “dude, how’d you get her to keep on the wig? O refused.”
C’s Momma: “I told her I’d give her $20 bucks!!!” Ruahahahahahahaha. Later while eating on Larchmont… her dad said, “I’ll buy you a puppy if you sit down.” Ahahahahaha, they kill me. The things a parent has to do.
How was your Halloween? Fill me in. Post pictures. I don’t have FB anymore, so you can post it onto my O’s Momma FB page or leave a comment here.
I strive to do charitable work throughout my life. I feel like it’s important to give back to the community and to others. Cancer is an immensely important cause for me and finding a cure is of the utmost importance, especially after watching Karen suffer so much from the disease and lose her life to it. But the best part of running for a cause is also to be able to get my family and friends involved as well. My best friend has supported me for the past four years and has run with me at least once a year. My sister, very reluctantly, joined in this year and I think she actually had a good time. I won’t disclose her time though. Ahahahahaha.
I didn’t train at all so I suffered. I thought, “hey, I’ve been doing some cardio at home on my elliptical and did a whole 10 minute run on the treadmill at the gym.” Oh man. I know all too well that pavement running and treadmill running are two entirely different beasts. But the cocky in me didn’t care. Ahahahahaha. My time wasn’t the best, but I did it. And that is all that matters. I made a small difference in the fight against cancer.
My husband even came out to support me. This was a nice change because he never came out before to witness and be a part of such great energy. He used to say it was too early. I have to say it meant a lot. And at the times, I wanted to walk… I thought, “no way… I’m not going to have him see me come in dead last.” Ahahahahahaha. There were grandma’s and grandpa’s passing me by. But I really wanted to embrace the run. I thought of Karen a lot during my solo run. And I reminded myself, “I’m not in competition with anyone but myself.”
The best part was getting O involved. I had waited three years for this day. I wanted her to have a love of running and being active. I also wanted her to realize that mommy runs to support people who are sick and to help people who are less fortunate than we are. It’s important for me to instill in her the love of philanthropy and having her feel empowered to make a change in this world. I didn’t feel I had that growing up. I didn’t think I could make a difference or that I did make a difference. Early on, I want O to know that she makes a difference in the lives of others daily.
O wasn’t in the best of moods going to the run. She was cranky, whining, and just not pleasant. But once I was done with my race, it was time for hers. She refused. But with some encouragement, we set off holding hands. It was a super short run for the kids (1K)… but she had so much fun, she wanted to join the bigger kids again. And even when that was over, she wanted to run again. Ahahahahahaha. So on the final run, she and her daddy ran, because I was about to keel over from the heat (90 degrees… in OCTOBER!!!) and the dust. Ugh, the dust is still coming out of my nostrils as I write this. But it was all so worth it. Even the asthma attack!!!
My next run is on 12/2 for Just Say No To Drugs. It’s actually to have my husband participate, get out of his sedentary lifestyle, and also start doing things that are important to O and me. And yes, I’m forcing my sister to do it too. Haha. I’m seeing my Pulmonologist this week… so hopefully, I will be better prepared next month!!!
***(I do not take lightly if anyone has been attacked by a real life chimpanzee or any animal for that matter… )!
I took my daughter to get a professional haircut because she has a picture day coming up at school. I had been refraining as the first two experiences had been anything but joyful… memorable in the most horrific way, yes… joyful… no. NO. No. NOOOOOO!!! So I thought, well… she’s older now. She can do this. I can reason with her. Yes, she is 3.5… but I for sure thought I could reason with her. I thought… “Oh, I will take her to those cool places with airplane and space shuttle seats.” But nope.
When we got in there… she dug her little claws into my arms and wrapped her legs around my waist as if the floor were on fire. Like she was a small cougar, climbing up a tree for safety. It was painful. It was embarrassing. It was a test of my patience. And it was just plain unenjoyable. But I did give myself a pat on the back for not losing my cool. Whew.
The crappiest part… her hair freaking turned out no better than when my mom or I gave her home cuts. So, minus $30 dollars, some skin off my arms, and my sanity… I still had to come home and cut her hair myself. Not only did her hair come out shorter than I (or she) wanted, it looked like she asked for Moe’s bang from Three Stooges. I’m excited for her Picture Day. NOT!