I have baby fever right now. I miss the infant stage. I am thoroughly enjoying O as a mobile, speaking, sassy human being. But I definitely miss the baby smell. I miss the succulent smoosh-i-ness that a chubby six month old baby possesses. I miss it all. The rigors of nighttime feedings… all of it.
At the same time, I’m not losing sleep over it. I have a timeline. If it doesn’t happen, I’m ready to move on. I’m also anxious to do something new and exciting. Like in my gut, I feel like I’m just on the “verge.” On the verge of what, I don’t know… but I feel like something great is about to happen. At least that’s what I am hoping. I’m anxious.
I’m just searching for things to do in the meantime to pass the time. I hate feeling idle. Twirling my thumbs. Not being a productive human being… is killing me.
I’ve been stressed, to say the least, because of O’s school situation… yes, still. But I’m sure there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I just feel like I want to give her every arsenal and ammunition I can as a parent for her future success. What she does with where she is at is solely up to her… but if I can give her the best… that’s what I want to do. At the end of the day, I know she will be fine and that ultimately the most important role I can play in her life is that of a cheerleader and supporter. Yet, I still want her to receive the best education with great teachers who truly care about their students. Maybe I’m projecting my childhood angst onto her, because I didn’t have teachers that encouraged me starting as early as first grade. My kindergarten teacher was amazing. I remember that. She made me love school. Ms. Merchanson. I think that’s how she spelled her last name. But I loved her. Thereafter, most teachers always told me I talked too much or I was trouble :(. It was very discouraging. I know sending her to an expensive school or what not isn’t going to stop that… but at the least, I do want her to receive a good quality education and RESPECT. Yes, I firmly believe children should be respected by adults.