I just wanted to say thank you to the friends who encourage me to continue writing… Elm, Adriana, and so many more. It makes the a world of difference for me. To the friends not reading who say they are reading… it really doesn’t matter what I say about you because you aren’t reading anyways. Ahahahahahahaha. So to them, thank you for at least pretending to be my friend. Hahahahaha.
I often wonder if you have a falling out with a friend for a long period of time, can you really reconcile and have it feel organic again? I was having lunch with my gf today and talking to her about how I reunited with my old BFF and it seems like things are good and I enjoy having her in my life. She (I love her… keeps it real to the core) said, “it’s really hard to get over old demons fully without it still lingering in the back of your mind.” That hit a cord with me, because sometimes, I find myself wondering… does this person I reunited with truly forgive my indiscretions and me her? The great thing is… I think we do… and yet there is a small part of me that thinks… what if it’s not what it is cracked up to be? Like it is better in my mind than it really is? And no, it’s just as good… I know it. But those thoughts do creep into my head.
I look back and there are friends I know I will definitely not reunite with because our friendship has gone too long for remedy and there’s no want on my part to be a part of their lives or them a part of mine. I guess that is the key difference between being able to build a better, healthier friendship the second time around. The want. The want to rectify a friendship gone wrong. If that’s not there… what’s the point right?
We are grown and better people. Our lives do not revolve solely on each other as it did in the past. We have husbands, children, school, pickups, and playdates that do not involve one another and I think that’s what allows us to maintain our own individuality apart from one another. We weren’t able fully able to embrace that when we were so entwined to each other with the same circle of friends, activities, or living paramenters in our late teens and early 20s. I like knowing too that my life will go on with or without that person even though once I felt like I’d die without her. That in itself gives me the freedom to love her the way I’ve always wanted to.