hump (hmp)

n.

1. A rounded mass or protuberance, such as the fleshy structure on the back of a camel or of some cattle.
2. A deformity of the back in humans caused by an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.
3. Vulgar Slang The act or an instance of having sexual intercourse.
4.

a. A low mound of earth; a hummock.
b. A mountain range.
5. Chiefly British A fit of depression; an emotional slump.
v. humped, hump·ing, humps
v.tr.

1. To bend or round into a hump; arch.
2. Slang

a. To exert (oneself).
b. To carry, especially on the back.
3. Vulgar Slang To engage in sexual intercourse with.
v.intr.

1. Slang To exert oneself.
2. Slang To hurry.
3. Vulgar Slang To engage in sexual intercourse.

Idiom:

over the hump

Past the worst or most difficult part or stage: At last I’m over the hump on my term paper.

That’s “Hump” defined. In #3. Vulgar Slang definition: To engage in sexual intercourse with.

How do you explain to your kids what “humping” is? Do you act it out? Draw pictures? Use finger gestures… you know, the good ole…”whoo hoo whoo hoo- gesture” as you stick your index finger into the other hands circled position? NOT!!!! Maybe the draw pictures. But I’ve actually been thinking about when I will have this discussion with O. What do you say?

Should I call it the “bad deed” like my parents did and forever engrain in her “sex” is a bad thing? NO WAY!!! My parents made me think sex was soooooo bad. They never explained it could be amazing with the right person… never that it was beautiful. So I experimented with it to make sure it wasn’t bad (of course, after marriage…hahahahah). Ahahahahahahaha. But jokes aside, it did take me a long, long time to appreciate the goodness of it because it was very heavily engrained in me that you don’t do it until you get married and that only bad people have sex prior to marriage.
Friends, we are all going to burn in hell. Bc we were all bad bad bad people in my parents generation’s eyes. Hahahaha. (Gosh, family… if you are reading… I’m totally kidding. Virgin til I got married, duh!!!… as is what I will tell my daughter until I’m blue in the face.

I think the best thing for me would be to first look at MY child and decipher what their maturity level as well as their cognitive abilities are. Fourth grade is pretty young. I remember in third grade I heard a baby came out of your vagina. I heard it, but I didn’t understand it. And as I pointed to my privates and told my uncle’s friend… “Babies come out of here!!!” My red faced uncle was not only flabbergasted at my knowledge but embarrassed and maybe even angry. So I thought, “Oh, I guess that’s not something you talk about.” He was an odd one that one. But the case in point is, someone’s someone told them babies came out of there and so now I knew that too.

That’s not how I want my daughter to be educated though. Not about sex at least. If one of those premature experiences should happen between us, I will assess her level of understanding and tell her accordingly. I will even opt to tell her the “you sleep really close and love each other, etc” if she’s too young to understand. I don’t think I need to be technical with a 3 year old child. And from there as she gets older and more mature, I will add more information. I think having 100% open and honest communication is what’s important. I think, it’s important they know you are not BSing them, because kids are smarter than you think and they won’t trust you later if you always give the cookie-cutter answer.

I’m definitely not a pro at parenting. I’m very new to this role. But I’m drawing my blueprint as I go. Some things turn out great, some things fail miserably. But honesty can never fail.

I’ve already taught her about “Stranger Danger” and continue to do so when we are out. And my lovely pediatrician, Dr. Scott Cohen, also helps in teaching O that only Momma or someone who Momma allows to clean and look at her private areas CAN DO THAT, otherwise she needs to tell us and scream, kick, punch. It’s hard trying to teach them in an age appropriate way because of their “why” questions. But if I don’t tell them, someone else will… and then I’ll be the parent with the child asking “Daddy, what’s HUMPING???!!!” I think as parents … telling your kids small things here and there in the appropriate situation is best. And to answer their questions openly and honestly when they are asking.

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