This article was on my friend’s Facebook wall. I liked it so much. In no way shape or form are we competing with any of our single friends as to whose life is more productive because literally we are just trying to keep our heads above water and maintain a morsel of sanity. Whether you have one kid, two kids, or six kids (Angelina Jolie)… it’s not easy. Even with help. I’m fortunate to not have experienced this much because my friend’s aren’t jerks. I think for the most part they understand it’s not easy. I’m sure they secretly cringe when our scheduled “adult time” is invaded by our shadow who then begins to infiltrate our adult conversations with “why mommy? why?”
I did have a candid conversation one day with my BFF, Julie. She was beginning to be a bit hostile towards the fact that our once leisurely meet-ups were no longer just us. It now included my husband and my small, pint-sized mini me. It came down to the honest fact that I was living what she wanted. We, as mature adults, worked it out… being the simple fact that this was now my life. And one day would be hers as well. There was no hiding I had a child, a husband, and new responsibilities. My time would be shared between my obligations and her. I’m blessed though that we are able to be so brutally honest with one another. That we care enough to work things through with our ever-changing lives.
The funny thing about the article was that it didn’t make me think of my single friends. It made me think of most of my married with children friend’s husbands. Hahahahaha. I feel most husbands do not get the full reality of what it is like to be a full time mom. One day, my husband came home early from teaching at UCLA. It was random. But typically one day a week, I give myself a “ME” day. I do nothing. I veg. I read. I write. I listen to music. Uninterrupted. Why? Because I deserve it.
Anyways, he comes home and it’s 2:30pm in the afternoon. I’m still in my jammies with my sister over… and we are sprawled out eating and watching a Korean drama. I’m like “wtheezack!!!” when I heard the sound of a key opening the door. My sis and I shocked scrambled as if we were teenagers caught watching porn by our parents. Remember those nights? Late at night with your friends or whomever… and you run across a nudey show, then your parents come out to tell you to go to sleep and your frantically trying to change the channel… and of course the freaking remote gets stuck. So now, you’re red faced and looking like a freaking perv in front of your parents!! No? Not you? Oh, me neither. Hahahaha. Well, it was like that. He walked in… and his comment was like “nice, must be nice to sit in your pajamas at 2:30pm!!!” Ugh. Why couldn’t you have come home any other day when I’m vacuuming, doing laundry, cooking, and folding laundry all at the same time!!!!!
I found myself repeating… “THIS IS NOT A NORMAL DAY!!!! THIS IS NOT HOW IT IS!!!!” He, of course, was like, “babe, it’s fine.” But I didn’t like the casualness in his voice. Was he mocking me? I felt ashamed. Is that weird? I felt like I got caught with my hand in the cookie jar.
But I thought about it and was like… “HAMSTER, STOP SPINNING… INTERNAL DIALOGUE: SHUT THE F@CK UP!!!” I deserve a day off!!! It’s not even an entire day… it’s 7 hours while my little mini-me was at school!!!!!!!!! I still didn’t like the fact that I felt he probably thought that’s how my life was every day. Again, I had to kick the hamster off the wheel. But still. Hehe.
Anyways, so back to the article, so yes, we don’t call you or sound chipper on the phone… because we want to spend any extra time we have restoring our sanity. And IT IS THAT CHAOTIC. So, a bit of understanding would be great whether it be from a friend who feels neglected, a husband who doesn’t get it, or a family member who thinks “why is it so hard for these kids to raise kids these days? We just raised them!” It’s because the world has become more competitive with useless things… but if we don’t stay afloat… our kids may be left on the back burner. So we as gopher’s… have to live by the phrase “when in Rome.”