Mom + Hangover + child at home = SHOOT ME STATUS!!!

Shooting myself.

Why I do this to myself is still beyond me.  I’m all about the environment.  If the juices are flowing… I’m there till the end.  I know, I can’t drink much anymore… but I will go till I can’t go anymore.  I know it’s stupid.  I think I read somewhere Rebecca Romjin saying “she thinks about it (drinking and staying out late), but her kids wake up at 6am no matter what.”  I know that too. She’s so responsible.  Had there not been an earthquake last night, I would’ve sent O to school and could’ve slept after but I decided to keep her home in the event there was a massive aftershock or something crazy.  (Yes, I am nuts… I hate earthquakes… scares the crap out of me.  Especially because I think my building probably couldn’t withstand anything bigger than a 5.0 ahahahaahaha).

But seriously on a side note, I do think… what if there is a catastrophe and my car gets crumbled on or the garage doesn’t open and O is at school?  I told you… my hamster is non-stop with useless images of major craziness.  Pure escalation after witnessing 9/11 in my lifetime and the collapse of the mall in Korea years ago.  I was literally… two streets down from the mall while it was collapsing and you just saw smoke and chaos.  (I’m talking to my hamster right now… trying to slow it down… because now I’m envisioning crazy things.  ahahahahaha.  I’m sure you think I’m a lunatic.  But these are some of the things I think about.  Judge me not).

Anyways, back on track.  So the word my husband uses prior to any escapade where ETOH is involved… is MODERATION.  But I’m not like that.  I don’t want to have a glass of wine… I want the bottle.  Muahahahahaha.  Jk.  I really don’t but I do like to get an easy breezy buzz.  But here’s where my problem lies… I’m all or nothing.  So you get that twinge of a buzz… and you think… “hey!!!!”  (Picture me with glass in hand swaying with head down like… heyyyyy!!! because that’s what I’m doing in my chair right now… heyyyyy!).  You like the feeling, right?  So then, a normal person will let it ride and stop.  Me?  Nope… I will have another to keep it going.  That’s where the problem lies…the “I will have another” syndrome.  It’s also a matter of who I am with.  If the others don’t, I won’t.  But if they do… I’m in there like swimwear.  Yes, I’m a groupie.

So, I’ve decided to go cold turkey.  I didn’t drink for years in my later 20s because I was over the whole “Sex and the City” days.  It was time to grow up and be responsible.  That lasted a few years… till I got married.  Then thought… “shoot, I’m married… I can do whatever I want. I don’t have to impress him by being sane anymore.”  Ahahahahaha.  Jk.  But kidding aside, I still like to have fun, but I need to get real with it… and real quickly.  I suppose if I still am in the “trying” mode, I should definitely get it tight… and get it right.  Meaning… I need to cut the crap out.

I can’t go hide in a cave and never come out just to avoid the temptation of having a “major rager” (and again, DISCLAIMER:  I’M NOT A RAGING DRUNK… I JUST LIKE TO HAVE FUN.  Okay… okay… so all drunks say that right?  But no really, I am not.  I have wayyyyyy more clean, sober days than not. Hehe), but definitely need to be a bit more grown up and realize there are consequences in the form of a pint-sized 3 1/2 year old that will be screaming “mommy, mommy… I need this … I need that.”  So, as a method of punishment, groggy and all… I still ventured out  with my cousin in-law and O and got myself a BIKINI WAX!!!!!