When it comes to life and love… I think we all just want to be accepted unconditionally by the one we love. Kudos to Anderson Cooper and Katie Holmes for being strong enough to live an organic life.
I felt lonely yesterday because O was with her dad at his mom’s place… but I think more so because the night before I had been reprimanded by my husband for enjoying a not-so-great habit after having some wine. Boo.
I love him. Immensely. So his opinion matters to me. But it shouldn’t matter to the point where it breaks me.
It has taken me nearly 37 years to be comfortable knowing that I’m a freak. I’m dysfunctional in the most beautiful way. I accept the dysfunction in others and welcome it. The crazier you are the more authentic you seem to me.
I’m ok knowing I’m not the ideal mom. White picket fences and tea parties are great… but I have a dark side. A fun-loving crazy side. I think I was repressing it for a long time… not letting it unleash in fear of scrutiny from judgmental eyes who sneer… “ugh, she’s a mom and she’s doing that…yuck.” I’ve been there… I’ve judged… but not so much in a way like “what the hell are you doing…” but more like… I wish I could be a bit more like you. (Of course unless a mom is leaving her infant child in a running car while she drops her other kid at school… yes, real).
I’m not afraid of being unliked anymore even by my husband, family, and friends… just as long as I know I’m not hurting you with malicious intent. I’m human. I’m flawed. If I can accept myself… you should learn to accept me too.
You need to learn to take me the way I am.