My shadow (well, she’s more my sis’ shadow these days) is going to school tomorrow (Tuesday).  I’m actually a tid bit sad.  I like having her around.  I don’t think I realized how much I was missing her when she’s away.  (Yes, MF… I miss her).  In my efforts to have a life of my own during those seven hours while she’s away… I think I forgot how much fun it is to have her around.  Yes, it’s hard some days, but I thoroughly enjoyed having her around.  Seeing her ill in the ER was a real eye-opener to enjoy one another more and not get so engulfed in being a parent.

I’m actually very much a kid with her.  My husband doesn’t quite understand it, but for me, I don’t want to always be serious around her.  I want to instill good morals and have her grow up with a sense of humility and grace, but I don’t want her to ever feel like there’s a barrier between she and I.  Me:  the adult, the boss, the dictator.  Her:  the child with no voice.  I want her to be able to convey her thoughts and emotions to me whenever she needs me.  I want her to be able to come to me for anything.  I never want her to feel like she’s floating around on this earth alone.

I think growing up as a 1.5 generationer… we didn’t have the freedom to communicate with our parents openly.  I think that was a key factor in my inability to be able to convey my feelings openly and honestly in my relationships with boyfriends and friends alike.  I hope to not repeat the mistakes from past history and experiences with my daughter.