I have many friends of the opposite sex and have maintained friendships with my exes. Well, all three of them. Hahahahaha. It’s nice to be able to keep the friendship without all the hassels that came from being in a relationship with them. We obviously liked each other enough to date one another for years and years… but we obviously, weren’t meant to go the longterm. I was actually chatting online with my dear friend, JS. We dated off and on for about five years during college and a bit afterwards. We were never meant to be together. He’s a total commitment-phobe. Yep, he’s still unwed. But turns out, he and I have been able to remain great friends. Funny though, how it takes time to be able to ask all the questions you wanted to ask while you were dating, but felt you couldn’t, now that you aren’t dating.
It’s not easy to hear from someone why you weren’t the one for them, but it’s cathartic. You live and you learn from your mistakes, failed relationships, and your daily experiences. You hope to not make the same mistakes or carry the burdens and baggage from one relationship to the next (although, it seems to happen to most of us until we come to understand that we are doing carrying the cross of burden from one relationship to the next… it took me a long time to realize it). The truth shall set you free… and it really does. It’s great to hear the honest truth from the opposite sex as to what you did well and not so well in a relationship, it keeps you grounded. It helps motivate you to try and not duplicate past transgressions… well, at least, you hope it does.
I didn’t realize how I brought my own baggage into my relationship with my husband at the beginning of our courtship and marriage. I was so used to being in charge, guarding myself, and testing other’s to prove their love for me. To show me how much they would put up with before walking away. It took awhile for me to realize, “YOU FOOL, PEOPLE WILL WALK AWAY IF YOU KEEP ABUSING/TESTING THEM!!!!!” Yes, unconditional doesn’t have to be proven through craziness, I suppose, but for whatever crazy reason… I thought it did.
JS… I hope for great things for you. Love, life, marriage, kids. Figure this sh!t out. I say this with a lot of love. (Funny, I must’ve done some harm to my exes… because all three are all single still!!!!! ahahahahahahaha).