My best guy friend, Lou, once was going through some things with his friends. I point blank told him, “why do you consider them your best friends?” His response: “because we’ve been friends since we were kids.” My response: “Longevity doesn’t mean shit, if the quality of the person is shit.” Ahahhahahahaha. It’s weird though… most guys say the same thing. I asked my husband… and his response was the same. He definitely has some toxic friends, but because of time… those bonds are hard to break. I’m very cutthroat on the other hand. I do a “spring cleaning” every once in awhile. I try to decipher what good my friendships are bringing me and me to them. If you are a negative Nancy or Debbie Downer (oh, Deb… sorry), I probably don’t talk to you anymore. And vice versa, I’m sure I’ve been cut from others as well.
I wasn’t the greatest friend before. I admit it. The best part of that is that I am able to admit my shortcomings. It took a long time for me to realize what a selfish and insecure human being I was. Others seems to just think that everyone is the source of their problems and they have nothing to change or modify. You know you have one of those friends. Always dominating the conversation. Always laughing the loudest… like “look at me, look at me… I’m having so much fun!!!” But deep down inside they are probably miserable. It is ironic though how we seem to continue to foster relationships with these people just based on time and because at the end of the day, you hope they will one day change.
For me, I think it’s a waste of time. Friendships and relationships are work. You need to water it and nourish it from time to time to help it grow deeper. But it shouldn’t FEEL like WORK that is arduous and tedious. That’s when you know that that friendship is not worth investing in.
My husband asks why I don’t have many girlfriends. That’s not true. I do. I just don’t hang out with them all the time. And also, because even if I did, I’d rather use that time spending it with my sister, family, O, husband… and MY REAL BEST FRIEND, JK. (NOT just kidding… those are her real initials). I don’t think quantity makes quality.
I don’t know how people call each other BFF and turn around and talk crap about each other. My sis always tells me “don’t spit in your own face by talking crap to other people about someone and then turn around and still be their friend, because it makes you look like an ass.” So wise. Ahahahaha. I’m a venter by nature… so it’s hard for me.
I told my husband one day after I had heard someone say some unfortunate things regarding another, “I would never talk shit about JK/LL, because they are special to me. They mean something to me and are important, so I would never do something to jeopardize that friendship. And mainly, I don’t need to because we have the capacity to be able to speak to each other in 100% truth and honesty even if it hurts. That’s a real friendship.”
I wrote this because as I age, I feel blessed to have quality friends. When you’re a kid, you think having the most people at your birthday party makes you popular and cool but it’s a life lesson to learn that you’re only as cool as the people who you allow to surround you.