Lately, every place I go… someone is asking me about “when’s baby number two coming?” And I want to say, “when you cure my fertility issues, biatch!!!” AHahahahah. Just kidding. But sometimes, I really do. I know people don’t know so they just ask. And it’s fine. But I really do want a baby soon. I don’t want O to grow up as the only child for sure.
But, it’s funny. I guess most of us just do and say things without any malice or ill-intentions, because we fail to see that there may be problems or issues in another persons life because they’ve never happened to us. So now, I watch my words closely and try not to impose what I think is correct on others. Like my girlfriends, who know me… I don’t care if they ask me or not because I can tell them what’s going on. But there are always those Korean mom’s that just won’t stop asking… and some times, the little hamster in my head goes overtime and starts thinking… is this lady for real? Is she trying to pry to see if I fess up and coyly lean over into her ear and say “yes bitch, I am having fertility issues. so shut the f*ck up now!!!” That’s what I envision. Hehehe.
But all kidding aside… I am looking forward to baby number two. I can’t wait. O is so super cool and fun, I can’t imagine her not having a playmate. I think it’s critical for me and my sanity. I just don’t feel like my family is complete yet. At the same time, I think to myself, maybe God is telling me to just be satisfied and not greedy since I have a wonderfully beautiful and healthy little girl to enjoy which is more than some people could ever dream about.
I don’t understand why more woman don’t talk about it either. I was watching “Guilana and Bill” on the style network and her struggles with miscarriages and fertility. I couldn’t relate to her more. I watched and I cried but more… I empathized and sympathized with her. Her thoughts and sadness were so familiar to me. I wish we (especially Korean women) would be more open and honest about our own issues and stop trying to one up each other and pretend that life is picture perfect. Because I know mine isn’t and without therapy I would be a f*cking lunatic… well, therapy and two weeks of Xanax. LOL.
Anyhow, I don’t have much time to delve further into this right now but someone (namely my sister) has been hounding me for a blog update. So shaaazam… here you go.
I’m off to Vegas this weekend. I finished my Stats class, and now will be taking Advanced Pathophysiology. Nice. So looking forward to it. Ok gotta go. Bye.