I had a great night with my LA M.I.L.K group at Electric Karma. I was hesitant to go out for MNO but it turned out to be lots of great conversation, great food, and fun. The suport and commonality between what each mom was going through was helpful. I realized through therapy and just meeting other moms… I’m normal. And that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.
Recently, I began realizing that I’m a quitter. I quit anytime I feel like I’m going to fail or if I am not Mozart or Hemingway or Tiger Woods. It got heightened when I didn’t feel like I was the super mom I thought I would be. I crucified myself. Compared myself to other moms who seemed to have everything together. I love my baby. I think she’s the best reminder that I did something perfectly perfect in my life. I’m petrified of hurting her or causing her harm… yet I’m learning and trying to accept that I will at some point be a huge source of pain and disappointment for her and that’s just part of life.
I’m also not attempting to lighten the burden of enjoying working. I felt tormented by leaving her but I know that soon when baby #2 comes… I’m willing to give my career up for my children and that I need this time to cultivate my being and edify the needs in my life.
I’m learning daily quitting is not the answer… because I’m never going to know what gifts lie within me. I feel like I’m growing with Olivia everyday.