I think I have mentioned before that I am reading “Eat, Pray, Love.” I haven’t been able to finish it because I don’t have the same time I used to to just sit around and read leisurely. It’s a joy to just find some quiet time to read these days. But, I’m halfway through. As I mentioned before, I feel like this book was brought into my life by God. I can swear, Liz Gilbert wrote this book because she had some sort of telepathic connection with my mind. The similarities between her story and mine are surreal. I feel like God put this book in my hand to help me heal.
Here’s how this book ended up in my life… time and again. My sister inlaw gave it to me and my sister to read a long time ago but I shelf’ed it and then my sister took it… who always just put it aside. I’d see it on Oprah’s book list… etc, etc. Then all of a sudden, my mommy group was reading it. I wanted to be a part of the book club meeting so I started reading it… but, this was also after a lonesome chit-chat with God as I sat in the pews of my church begging God to help me connect with my life again. I was in a very dark place for a very long time… I masked a lot of my pain and confusion with humor and idle conversations with people. However, until now, I do not really think I actually allowed myself to get too close to people because I feared being disappointed and disappointing them.
Anyhow, I went of on a tangent. So, I asked my sister for the book and she brought it to me. I started reading it and I almost felt anxiety reading it because I felt like I had to read faster… learn faster… get to the conclusion faster. So, I slowed down. Began reading to learn… and to find some solace in my own skin.
It’s so weird because this girl has a sister named Catherine. Was 34years old. Was born in July. Was confused. Depressed. Anxiety-ridden. And on a search to find God. That was always my quest. I wanted to be at peace and have a wonderful relationship with God. But sometimes, my mind would not allow me to believe wholeheartedly.
Anyhow, I truly feel like when I prayed out loud by myself on January 23rd… God heard my prayers and began giving me signs and the tools I needed to become a whole person again. To let go of the tortured and very damaged child within me to become the woman, mother, wife, daughter, and friend. I’m purging the memories that have haunted me from the past.
Although, the author wasn’t able to save her marriage… I feel like her story helped save mine. She’s encouraged me to meditate, pray, and endure through pain when my mind is playing games with me telling me “you can’t, you won’t… you suck.”
My husband and I had our first open communication since the re-birth of my sanity… and it’s actually working.