I just started my new job this past Monday. I love it. Well, the first day I thought I was going to quit because I didn’t think I would like it. But as the week progressed and I found my rhythm… I started liking it more and more. The people are really nice and STILL the best part is that it is sooooo close to home.
I started getting therapy. I didn’t feel like I had the proper tools to fix myself. The endless reading of self-help books weren’t enough. I can’t believe what a gift therapy has been. It has truly given me insight into things I had not even been aware of. I feel like I died at 34 1/2 years old… and was born over again. It is weird but I actually feel like I know how to be receptive and actually know how to listen.
Some times, I feel bad that I enjoy working so much. I miss Olivia when I’m at work but when I come home and I see her excited to see me… it feels so good. I love when she crawls into my room in the morning as I’m getting ready with this huge smile on her face like I’m the best thing she ever saw. Wow… I love her. I want to smother her.
I have a greater appreciation for my husband again. I couldn’t see the good for a while because I was soooooo protective over O. I thought his absence would somehow enforce negative thoughts to her psyche and some how convey to her that she wasn’t important or significant to her daddy. But I guess in actuality that’s how I was feeling. But now, I realize that my husband’s diligence and hardworking attitude is his way of showing his protection and love for us and I have to some how learn to express that to her in a manner she understands.
I seriously cannot recommend therapy enough. Thank you God for the guidance.