I just started my new job this past Monday.  I love it.  Well, the first day I thought I was going to quit because I didn’t think I would like it.  But as the week progressed and I found my rhythm… I started liking it more and more.  The people are really nice and STILL the best part is that it is sooooo close to home.

I started getting therapy.  I didn’t feel like I had the proper tools to fix myself.  The endless reading of self-help books weren’t enough.  I can’t believe what a gift therapy has been.  It has truly given me insight into things I had not even been aware of.  I feel like I died at 34 1/2 years old… and was born over again.  It is weird but I actually feel like I know how to be receptive and actually know how to listen.

Some times, I feel bad that I enjoy working so much.  I miss Olivia when I’m at work but when I come home and I see her excited to see me… it feels so good.  I love when she crawls into my room in the morning as I’m getting ready with this huge smile on her face like I’m the best thing she ever saw.  Wow… I love her.  I want to smother her.

I have a greater appreciation for my husband again.  I couldn’t see the good for a while because I was soooooo protective over O.  I thought his absence would somehow enforce negative thoughts to her psyche and some how convey to her that she wasn’t important or significant to her daddy.  But I guess in actuality that’s how I was feeling.  But now, I realize that my husband’s diligence and hardworking attitude is his way of showing his protection and love for us and I have to some how learn to express that to her in a manner she understands.

I seriously cannot recommend therapy enough.  Thank you God for the guidance.

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