I was at the gym (mind you… for the first time in ages) and watched footage on CNN about the devastation going on in Haiti.  My first impulse was of course to donate money, which I did.  My next was to consider and pray long and hard about adopting a child who has so tragically been abandoned by Mother Nature.  But right now, I feel a strong urge to go and help.  So I’m looking for any information, because I heard they were in need of RNs.

However, when I came and told my mom about my brilliant idea and desire… she gave me a reality check saying that it was good of me to have this calling but I have a little baby who is in need of her mother as well.  My cousin inlaw & aunt inlaw were here listening to me go on and on… then they also dawned some light on adopting because they have friends who have adopted in the past.  But adoption has always been a long-standing desire between my husband and I and I am really wanting to go through with it more than ever now.  Maybe not today but in a real close future date I see it coming to fruition.  Crazy because I can’t even take care of my own child without the help of my mom.

On a lighter note, Olivia took her first few steps today.  She has been a bit clingy and whiney which is very unlike her.  So I think it’s from meeting this milestone or something.  It’s such a joy to watch her grow and become more and more independent.  She has the best personality ever.  I constantly struggle with my own demons because I feel like they are telling me I’m a sucky mom.  But I don’t want to go on and on about the hormones and the rage… I’m over it.  Next chapter.  But if anyone wants to sponsor me… please feel free.  I’m running on February 13th for pancreatic research.

I was at dinner for my sister’s birthday the other night … and a handful of my friends are new moms.  I had my trainer sitting next to me who is a beautiful single female… and I had to abruptly stop the baby talk!!!  I felt rude but I felt like I didn’t want my friends to be “those” moms that don’t have anything to talk about other than their children or “how f’ing hard it is.”  Yes, we all know it’s not always a walk in the park… but ladies, really?  Weren’t we more than “just” moms before this?  I love that my friends love their kids… it’s beautiful.  But I feel like when we are with friends who haven’t experienced it… I think there should be a “5 minute clause.”  Five minutes to give the best details of your child-rearing experience and five minutes to fill people in on your child’s growth.  Ahahaha… my best friend, Julie, is forever grateful that I can still converse with her about stuff other than Olivia.  As much as Olivia is an integral and important part of my life… I think my friends would still enjoy hearing about me and my life and how I am progressing as a human being with just a new title and role.  But I do feel immensely and undeniably grateful for my beautiful little angelface’s health & life… she brings pureness and joy to my life.

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