So during the months of October & November… I didn’t realize I was going through postpartum all over again. But this time, it came with a vengence to destroy my poor husband. I didn’t even realize what was going on. I just had an immense sense of rage and anger. I would get set off by the slightest things. I even hated the sound of my husband breathing. Jk… not really but kind of. Heehhe.
After some intense weeks… we are back to normal. Or at least as close to normal as normal is. My beautiful daughter is blossoming in leaps and bounds. She just mesmerizes me on a daily basis. I love her. I just want to suction her back into my belly. She’s mimicking me now. And she just tried taking her first step yesterday but failed miserably. But cute nonetheless. She has the best personality ever.
She just caught her second cold and has snot running down her nose but it’s so cute to see her wipe it away now like a big little girl. Her tenacious attitude yet cautious nature is just innocence at its best.
On a personal note, work is going well. I am busy at work so it makes me feel like I’m fulfilling a void and I feel a sense of worth again. Not that motherhood isn’t fulfilling (but again, I don’t even think I need to justify that sentiment… because it’s a natural given). But I feel like I’m edifying my own needs and God’s will for me.
I have been trying to see my friends more as well. That helps preserve a sense of sanity as well… but now, I have to start getting healthier again. Lose these dang last ten pounds.
This past week, my sister, my mom, Olivia & I stayed at my sister’s timeshare in Newport. It was so great just hanging out and bonding with the baby and with each other. I feel like patience slipped away from me for a while and now I’m slowly learning to utilize my ability to control my volatile temper. Even though vacationing wasn’t as relaxing as it once used to be pre-baby… I felt a sense of serenity and a return to sanity while I stayed there with some of the most important people in my life. I wish my husband could have been there but he got sick and had to stay home.
Olivia was able to have some playtime with our dear friend Rita and her beautiful and very friendly little girl, Mia. I felt blessed to have such great people in Olivia’s life. My friend, Debbie, and her little bubble, Katie came over as well. It was just nice seeing everyone and just hanging out. These simple pleasures are such great treasures that are too frequently overlooked.
Anyhow, I feel like I’m finally returning to a state of control so to speak. The past couple of months made me actually empathize with Britney Spears. I mean, that girl had two kids in less than two years… that’s just crazy hormones waiting to erupt in the meanest of explosions…because that’s exactly what I feel like I could have been capable of.
I have talked to countless moms and dads over the past couple of months and have come to genuinely appreciate those people who are honest and humble enough to admit and be true to the fact that parenthood is not bliss. It is traumatic in the most loving and painfully heartwrenching ways. I wouldn’t trade it for the world… but really the beautiful and serene portraits of loving mothers with their baby’s is a blip… a fleeting moment in a 24 hour day. But that blip… is worth all the heartache and angst that comes with having a child. My life, my Olivia… my darling little angelface is worth all the tears, all the rage, all the angst. I would do it again in a heartbeat to experience 30 seconds of pure bliss and joy that she brings to my life.