I’m a Cancer to the core. I’ve been hibernating in my shell for the past couple of weeks.
All of a sudden I was just overwhelmed with all that I had taken on in order to be super-wife, super-mom, super-student, super-daughter inlaw, super-woman!!! I can’t. I’m just not humanly capable of doing everything. So instead of taking the bull by the horns… I retreated. I’m slowly sticking my head back out of my tortoise shell now. But now, I don’t want to deal with all the school work I thought I was never going to return too… or anything.
I’m working again. Whew!!! Some sanity has returned but it’s not the same. I miss Olivia when I leave and I want to hurry to get back home to her. It’s amazing to see the daily changes. I’m blessed to have been able to witness almost every milestone… so I feel hesitant to want to rush back to work. I literally see changes on a day to day basis. One day she can’t drink from her sippy cup and the very next day… she’s tilting her head back and chugging away. It’s truly a miracle.
When I see the minutest of changes in Olivia… I start thinking… “Damn… what’s happening inside of us?” If she changes like that monumentally on a week-to-week basis… we must be going through some mega unseen changes. Makes me realize how vulnerable we are and how time is passing us by. Thus, creating a dilemma between my husband and myself.
My husband is a planner. Everything is organized and thought out. Me… I’m just a “whatever” kind of person. Don’t get me wrong… I plan, I’m punctual… but I don’t get bombarded by the details or how we are going to get there. I guess that’s why I married him… so he can do that for me. Ahahahah. But more and more, I’m wondering, “what if tomorrow never comes? Then, what am I waiting for…?” So I just want to enjoy this moment… not think about 10 years from now and comfy retirement plans because I may never get to enjoy that.
Olivia is now standing for short periods on her own. She’s clapping her little hands and babbling away. She’s so amusing. Cracks me up all the time. She’s such a jovial little kid. Her grandmother’s are just nuts over her… I’m grateful for that.
I am almost done with school for this semester. I always plan to read and do all these things while I’m on break…but I don’t. And this break, I’m just not going to even put that pressure on myself.
Today, I am going to breakfast with my friend, Kasey. It helps to see friends who have kids because you don’t feel like you are the only one who is going nuts. Then, this afternoon, we have Taylor’s first birthday party to go too. Then tonight… the freaks come out and we are going clubbing for Jerry’s girlfriend’s birthday.
Have a great weekend everyone.
I’m out of my shell for the time being.