Last night, I cried.  Why?  Because my milk supply is reaching it’s end.  I thought I would be relieved when I started this “weaning off” period.  But to my surprise, I was taken over by emotion.  Again, my husband sat there confused and in bewilderment chanting, “you weren’t going to breastfeed forever.”  So logical.  Trite little human being… hehehehe.

I had this surge of hormone… and I just started to cry.  I think it’s because I felt like this was the last thing that only I was capable of providing for her.  This was our connection, our bond, and our special time.  I thought I would be elated but I’m not.  I’m actually very torn and saddened.  I don’t know if we are going to try for another baby right now so why am I stopping, right?  I used to hate having to lug around my pump and all its parts… but I think I’m going to miss even that.  Not to mention the calories breastfeeding burns off… (so they say… I personally think it’s a lie!!!).  I feel like I want to do it longer and now all the milk I wasted in the past because I had such a huge supply is haunting me.  Before I used to just throw away any leftover breast milk that she wouldn’t finish because I thought… “oh who cares… I make plenty.”  But now, I’m making her drink every last morsel.  Hindsight is really 20/20.

Now I totally can understand why some moms breastfeed their children until they are toddlers.  I used to cringe when people would say… “such and such is still breastfeeding her kid and he’s 13 years old now.”  Ruahahahahah.  Now I know to really reall really not judge a cover before you read it.  It’s so hard… I feel like this is one of the many times you have to start learning to cut the cord with your child.  IT IS A SUCKY FEELING.  I’m going to smother her for the rest of her life… ahahahah.  Just kidding.

Anyhow… I hope I don’t cry again tonight… or tomorrow morning when there’s really nothing left.

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