Last night, I cried. Why? Because my milk supply is reaching it’s end. I thought I would be relieved when I started this “weaning off” period. But to my surprise, I was taken over by emotion. Again, my husband sat there confused and in bewilderment chanting, “you weren’t going to breastfeed forever.” So logical. Trite little human being… hehehehe.
I had this surge of hormone… and I just started to cry. I think it’s because I felt like this was the last thing that only I was capable of providing for her. This was our connection, our bond, and our special time. I thought I would be elated but I’m not. I’m actually very torn and saddened. I don’t know if we are going to try for another baby right now so why am I stopping, right? I used to hate having to lug around my pump and all its parts… but I think I’m going to miss even that. Not to mention the calories breastfeeding burns off… (so they say… I personally think it’s a lie!!!). I feel like I want to do it longer and now all the milk I wasted in the past because I had such a huge supply is haunting me. Before I used to just throw away any leftover breast milk that she wouldn’t finish because I thought… “oh who cares… I make plenty.” But now, I’m making her drink every last morsel. Hindsight is really 20/20.
Now I totally can understand why some moms breastfeed their children until they are toddlers. I used to cringe when people would say… “such and such is still breastfeeding her kid and he’s 13 years old now.” Ruahahahahah. Now I know to really reall really not judge a cover before you read it. It’s so hard… I feel like this is one of the many times you have to start learning to cut the cord with your child. IT IS A SUCKY FEELING. I’m going to smother her for the rest of her life… ahahahah. Just kidding.
Anyhow… I hope I don’t cry again tonight… or tomorrow morning when there’s really nothing left.