Last night, I cried. Why? Because my milk supply is reaching it’s end. I thought I would be relieved when I started this “weaning off” period. But to my surprise, I was taken over by emotion. Again, my husband sat there confused and in bewilderment chanting, “you weren’t going to breastfeed forever.” So logical. Trite little human being… hehehehe.
I had this surge of hormone… and I just started to cry. I think it’s because I felt like this was the last thing that only I was capable of providing for her. This was our connection, our bond, and our special time. I thought I would be elated but I’m not. I’m actually very torn and saddened. I don’t know if we are going to try for another baby right now so why am I stopping, right? I used to hate having to lug around my pump and all its parts… but I think I’m going to miss even that. Not to mention the calories breastfeeding burns off… (so they say… I personally think it’s a lie!!!). I feel like I want to do it longer and now all the milk I wasted in the past because I had such a huge supply is haunting me. Before I used to just throw away any leftover breast milk that she wouldn’t finish because I thought… “oh who cares… I make plenty.” But now, I’m making her drink every last morsel. Hindsight is really 20/20.
Now I totally can understand why some moms breastfeed their children until they are toddlers. I used to cringe when people would say… “such and such is still breastfeeding her kid and he’s 13 years old now.” Ruahahahahah. Now I know to really reall really not judge a cover before you read it. It’s so hard… I feel like this is one of the many times you have to start learning to cut the cord with your child. IT IS A SUCKY FEELING. I’m going to smother her for the rest of her life… ahahahah. Just kidding.
Anyhow… I hope I don’t cry again tonight… or tomorrow morning when there’s really nothing left.
Michelle
boo!…sorry to hear that your supply is running short. It’s a bond that you can’t describe…so comforting and inexplicably magical. But I guarantee you that you will love the freedom of not having to lug around the stinkin’ pump (really!). I missed breastfeeding until Kat was able to eat solids…especially when I had to get up in the middle of the night and feed from a bottle instead of just popping in a boob, ya know?
stay strong, this too shall pass.
pish
Jung should also be crying because formula is so damn expensive!
chrse33
Ruahahah… yeah pish tell him!!! He has yet to even read a blog!!! So since I saved him so much money… for the past 25 weeks… I should get something nice and shiny that makes a bling bling sound!!! hehehe.
Emily
jung should get you something nice and shiny just b/c u are so wonderful!!
Lisa
I cried too when i was done with Ella. I had to go back to work, so I had no option but to only feed at night. But you know what? I HAPPILY gave away my breast pump and I hope to NEVER see it again, or hear it again! Sorry it’s running so low for ya…the bond is special…but now you can have a bit more freedom too! Good luck!