Other than God, I don’t think it’s humanly possible for one person to be your everything. I had that epiphany after reluctantly working out on Friday. I was having a pity party day for myself… and kept wondering how I was going to snap myself out of it… and then voila!!!… an answer right then and there. God is amazingly all encompassing.
I think when we meet the man/woman of our dreams we feel like they are going to be our answer for everything… our superhero. With the title of “Superhero,” our soul-mate is supposed to fulfill our every desires and even the minutest of voids. When this doesn’t happen, we feel betrayed, abandoned, and dooped. You go through a whirlwind of turmoil and grief over what ultimately is our own minds and egos going out of control and opening up old wounds. But how can someone be your everything when you can’t even be your everything, right?
I quickly snapped out of my funk after venting and talking to my sister inlaw. (Yes, my sister inlaw. I have the best sister inlaw on the face of the universe. She’s very unbiased and always on my side even though it may be hard for her since ultimately her brother will always be her brother). She lets me vent while giving me insight. Without my sister, my sister inlaw, my mom, and yes my mother inlaw (ofcourse a handful of great great friends)… my husband would be white-haired and bald from my antics and my riotous emotional breakdowns. Realizing, that my husband does the best he can with the time and emotional capabilities he has helped me not hold it against him that he can’t always be there for me to fix MY problems and MY bad days. Only I can with his support and God’s good grace.
Because your spouse or lover or whomever can’t be your everything, I fully believe that God brings great people into your life to help fill those voids you encounter throughout your day and throughout your life. I know sometimes we wonder… “hmm, how come I can have such soul enriching and thought-provoking conversations with this person but not my husband or wife?” But that’s just it… if you accept that that particular person was able to fulfill that empty part of you… then why do we have to turn that joy into a negative thing against our significant other? We don’t have to turn it into a malicious cycle of “if I can get it from this person… then, you should be able to do it too!”
Our significant… or signifiCAN’T (heheeh) others are individuals. They grew up differently. They experienced life according to their values and their perspectives. They may have encountered situations that make them put up walls or love too much or need too much or not be able to give love at all… understanding that we are all flawed can lead to a greater acceptance of each other and a greater freedom to just be and thoroughly thrive in the moment. Not to harbor past griefs or resentments but to move on and live knowing that our significant others are probably doing what they think is in our best interest. I think too that the major difference between men and women is that men feel they provide for all your needs if they can provide for you financially… but since woman are better at multi-tasking by being able to give love on a more emotional, sexual, and domestic level… we tend to wonder why men can’t do the same. But if you accept that that’s how your man is equipped to show you his love, I think it just gives you a peace of mind. It may not be the way you envisioned but it’s a start. And eventually, if he sees you living by example and loving yourself… I think he’ll appreciate you more and see your worth. I know it feels like we’re settling sometimes… but hey, they probably feel the same way too. We can only change the way we want to see a situation. We are all a work in progress…
I pray daily for safety, love, and happiness. With happiness though, we need to be nurtured and cared for like a delicate flower. You can’t give it too much soil and water or too little… just the right amount for it to grow and blossom. It’s harder to do than to say. Actions always speak louder than words. Money can bring you freedom… but it can’t bring you happiness. Life is work. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Don’t waste your life waiting for it to be handed to you on a silver platter… that only happens in the movies.
I’m hoping a very dear friend of mine is reading this and finding some comfort and solace. Love, you’re not alone. We’ve all been there. And most importantly, it’s not your fault. It’s not his fault. It’s just a difference in perspective and two lives trying to converge as one. I love you dearly and am here to be your rock.